well  what  to write.. i haven't really done  anything  other  than  go to  work lately.. Jason and i  are  getting along a  little  better. i wonder  now long  this will last... I've  just felt  so blah  lately...  i really wish  thurday would hurry  up  and get here .. i swear i'm  just  going to  sleep  most  of  the  damn day

nothing feels right anymore!

 so this  week  has  been pretty meh .. I've  created  a lot  of  bad karma  on myself ..  and it's  starting to  bite me  in the ass ... I've somehow  end   right back  in my  depression ...  twisted  my ankle  yesterday... so that sucks  because i have  so much to do this  week .. on Thursday  my buildings  getting strayed  so i have  to move the  whole apartment around to get  ready..  the  next  weekend at  work  is   the magic  weekend   which is  super busy...  but  at least on the home front i have Jason here to help  me... but on to another topic... the  whole  Krys  drama  has seemed to stop.. but i  never truly believe that's ever  really over.. the  thing she will never  understand  is that  she hurt  me bad  over the  years... it's hard  for  me to  open myself  up about the  whole thing...  meh   whatever  doesn't really matter  i guess...   in one  of  the   last convo's  we had  she said  that she did  love me ... well i guess  she  just  has a  really  fucked  up  way  of showing  it ...   and i'm  not saying  i was ever  perfect in  that whole  situation...  i think one  thing  that they  all forget is that  i lost  people   in  it all too.. jason , her and  most importantly   MYSELF!

broke(n)

 This week  has  been  one of the shittest weeks  of my life.. i wish i never  realized that she was blogging again....She's not even  around  and i'm  still stressing  myself  out over her  obsession  over my boyfriend. why i'm i like this... i hate it... she  has  every right  to feel and  write  whatever she wants to ...i think  maybe  it just hurts that  i've never  had  anyone  that  cares  about that much ..  or maybe  it  just the fact  that  in some way  it shows  me that Jace and i  have  grown apart..Wow  maybe  we  really have ... i just  really  don't   know  where  to go or  what to  do ...i sadly  don't  know who i am without  him ... i still  love him more  than anything ..  but it's starting to look like  maybe thats not enough.. i  would  much rather him  have  some sort  of happiness  than  to have to  put up  with  me  for  one second longer ....  maybe there  my answer ?!

 so  i haven't written  anything here in  forever because i forgot my  pass code. well  where to start since 2009  when i last  posted here  so many things  have changed but not in the same  sense.. i think  i pretty much  just suck  at life and i've kinda just accepted it .. So  i 've  just  been trying not to stress  over every little thing like i use to ... but there  is  one  thing that  even tho it should've been over months  ago..  it still seem to  be  there  under the  surface..  And  maybe  it  because  i'm  a stupid  bitch  and  even tho this person  fucks me  every  chance i  get.. part  of me  still cares .. so  like  i shouldn't  have  i  went to  her blog  and  read it  to make sure  her  surgery  went well.. only to find that  she  still going on and on  about   Jason .. i wish  she  just  get  a fucking grip and realize  that  the feeling  she has  for him   aren't the  same  for him..  i'm  not saying that  he doesn't  care  because that  would be  a lie..  i also  wish  that  he  didn't  make  it seem  like  i  forced  him to get rid  of  her and  make  me  out to  be  some psycho controlling bitch ..  i had  no problem  with them  talking  until  she  started to  be  a home wrecker...  if   whatever  she  said  happen or  not  i  was  happy   not knowing...  and i  know   how stupid  that  probably  sounds to  most  people  ..  but whatever  that  enough  about   that  situation   i've heard  back  from the LCBO  again  this year  and  they  asked  me  back.. so i'm  pretty  happy about that  .. well beside the  fact  it's  right be hide  the  stupid  bitches  house...  well  i  have nothing  else  on  my mind  right  now.. but i'm  going to try to  write  hear  atleast  once a week  for  now on .. laters