Monday, March 23, 2009
meh haven't wrote anyting in awhile
well my life lately has taken a turn for the worse..jason thinks my lying to him about everything..which i'm not.my purse was stole from my work place.it seems like everything i touch lately turns to shit...been think alot lately on how my life hasn't really been goin the way i planned it to..at this point i should atleast have a house and be married...fuck i'm almost 30..and really haven't done anything...i think it maybe time to work on me...and try not to forget those who are always there for me...On a happier note tho i made a new friend and saw my best friend for the first time in over a year...wish we could have chilled longer but it was a thursday and there isn't much to do on a thursday..i also losted another 3 lbs..woot!..only 30 to 40 to go!!!!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
fuck i don't know what i am anymore!
i swear I'm losing my mind..why must i over think every little thing about my life... i hate being a Libra!!!!!!! there's so many little stupid things that are pissing me off lately...1. I'm a fat girl..open your fucking eyes people...i'm so sick of people saying thing like your just being a girl..first of all there only maybe two things about me that even prove i'm a girl or another thing they say is your not that big!!! i'm fucking 80lbs over weight...to doctors i'm fucking OBESE...it's just really pissing me off and i really want it to stop!!! thank you jason for being the only honest fucking person around me!!...2 it's my life...yes you heard me mine!!! so i see that i should be able to fuck it up how ever i see fit...i'm sick of living for other people, things or whatever....fuck all of you...no ofence. 3. whats the sense of staying with someone who you having nothing with really...fuck it feels like we're just roommate..who really secretly wanna hack each other into little cube well the other is sleeping...c'mon really...how can two people that once were so crazy for the other lose that..i just wanna to feel something..anything...because i love my man more than words can ever express!!!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
BOYFRIEND SURVEY
WHAT'S HIS NAME? Jason
HOW OLD IS HE? 34
WHAT'S HIS MIDDLE NAME? Wayne
HOW TALL IS HE? 6 foot 0 ish
HOW MUCH DOES HE WEIGH? 400ish
WHAT COLOR EYES DOES HE HAVE?brown
WHAT COLOR HAIR DOES HE HAVE?dark brown
DOES HE PLAY ANY SPORTS? Nope
IF SO, WHAT SPORTS?
DOES HE HAVE ANY PIERCINGS?yes...Two
DOES HE HAVE ANY TATTOOS? 1
WHAT'S HIS SHOE SIZE? 10
WHAT DO PEOPLE USUALLY THINK WHEN THEY SEE HIS? EWW!
IS HE AN EMOTIONAL PERSON? somewhat
IS HE OPEN WITH YOU?Not normally
HAS HE EVER LIED?Nothing that really matters
WHAT ABOUT?
DID YOU FORGIVE HIm? WHY? Sure Why Not
HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU TWO USUALLY SPEND TOGETHER a few hours a day
HAVE YOU EVER HURT HIM EMOTIONALLY? have...and probably still do
PHYSICALLY? yep
DO YOU MAKE HIM DO THINGS HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO? yes..probably
~what do you think~
ABOUT HIS BODY? was better when he was younger
HIS SMILE?It can fix a shit day
HIS HANDS? they're hands
KISSES?meh
DO YOU FEEL SAFE WHEN HE'S HOLDING YOU? most of the time
HAS HE EVER BOUGHT YOU A PRESENT? yes
SENT YOU A CARD? don't think so?!
WHAT'S THE MOST ROMANTIC THING HE'S EVER DONE? walked from greensville just to bring me flowers...twice
HAS HE EVER MADE YOU A LIFETIME PROMISE? yes
WHAT'S THE MOST SPECIAL ONE? not sure
DO YOU HAVE ALL THE PICTURES HE'S GIVEN YOU? no
WHAT ABOUT THE ONE OF YOU TWO TOGETHER? no
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT HIS EX-GIRLFRIENS? scum bags, losers, and users...besides one MEL
DOES HE STILL TALK TO THEM? sometimes
DO THEY KNOW ABOUT YOU? think so
DO THEY LIKE YOU? hell no
DO YOU CARE IF THEY LIKE YOU? oh fuck no
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT OTHER GIRLS HITTING ON HIM? Depends
HAS A GIRL EVER HIT ON HIM WITH YOU STANDING RIGHT THERE? YES!!!
WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT? nothing..it was kinda funny in a sad way
DO YOU COMPARE HIM TO YOUR EX-BOYFRIENDS? maybe a little
HAS HE EVER DRAWN ANYTHING FOR YOU? not sure
DO YOU TWO FIGHT A LOT? OMFG YES!!!!
WHO USUALLY SAYS SORRY FIRST? Me
WHO'S FAULT IS THE FIGHT, USUALLY? MINE!
DO YOU KEEP HIS LETTERS? yes
EVEN THE ENVELOPES? no
HAS HE CHANGED SINCE YOU FIRST STARTED GOING OUT? yes a lot!!! some good lot bad
WHAT'S HIS WORST HABIT? not trusting me(but that my own fault)
HAVE YOU TRIED TO STOP IT? all the time
~future~
HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER? 11 years next month
DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? hell no!
HAVE YOU TALKED ABOUT IT? yes
WHAT ABOUT BABIES? maybe
GIRL'S NAME? Azrael
BOY'S NAME? Barret(eww!)
AGE YOU'LL BE WHEN YOU MARRY? no clue
AGE HE'LL BE? no clue
WHAT AGE DO YOU WANT TO BECOME A MOM?28-29
DO YOU WANT A BOY OR A GIRL FIRST? boy
WILL THE TWO OF YOU CRY? likely
WILL YOU TWO GET AN APARTMENT OR A HOUSE FIRST? a house if we have kids
DO YOU WANT TO MOVE AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY? yes..but i really don't think i really could!
~has he ever~
RUBBED YOUR TUMMY? yes
KISSED YOUR HAND? yes
YOUR FOREHEAD? yes
YOUR TUMMY? yes
YOUR NOSE? yes
YOUR CHEEK? yes
YOUR NECK? yes
STICK UP FOR YOU?YES!!!
IGNORED YOUR PHONE CALLS? yes
YELL AT YOU? yes
CUSSED AT YOU? yes
HIT YOU? yes
THROWN SOMETHING AT YOU? yes
ENCOURAGED YOU? kinda
JUST MADE OUT IN FRONT OF YOUR PARENTS? no?!
CUDDLED UP WITH YOU WHEN YOU NEEDED COMFORT? yes
MADE YOU WARM? yes
GONE TO A DRS. APPOINTMENT WITH YOU? yes
BOUGHT YOUR FAMILY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS? sort of
LET YOU DO HIS HAIR? yes
LET YOU WIN A FIGHT? Yes
CHEAT ON A GAME SO YOU COULD WIN? no
~his favorite~
MOVIE the devils rejects
SHIRT probably blue hick shirt
BAND ramones
INSTRUMENT not sure
FRIEND tom..maybe jeff?
FOOD b.b.q.steak
SIDE OF THE BED left?
THING TO SLEEP IN nothing
SHOES TO WEAR black ones
HAIR STYLE messy
HAIR COLOR red?
COLOGNE/PERFUME omg i really don't know that..hmmm axe maybe?
HOBBY..mma?
OBSESSION drama
CANDLE SCENT grandma's cupboard
THING TO SAY not sure
COLLECTABLES anything horror
TIME OF DAY bed time
KIND OF WEATHER sunny and warm
COLOR green
ANIMAL NAME snorfus?
~last things~
DO YOU THINK YOU TWO MAKE A GOOD COUPLE?not really..
DO YOU REALLY LOVE HIM yes!!!!!
DOES HE REALLY LOVE YOU? i'm pretty sure ..yes!
HOW OLD IS HE? 34
WHAT'S HIS MIDDLE NAME? Wayne
HOW TALL IS HE? 6 foot 0 ish
HOW MUCH DOES HE WEIGH? 400ish
WHAT COLOR EYES DOES HE HAVE?brown
WHAT COLOR HAIR DOES HE HAVE?dark brown
DOES HE PLAY ANY SPORTS? Nope
IF SO, WHAT SPORTS?
DOES HE HAVE ANY PIERCINGS?yes...Two
DOES HE HAVE ANY TATTOOS? 1
WHAT'S HIS SHOE SIZE? 10
WHAT DO PEOPLE USUALLY THINK WHEN THEY SEE HIS? EWW!
IS HE AN EMOTIONAL PERSON? somewhat
IS HE OPEN WITH YOU?Not normally
HAS HE EVER LIED?Nothing that really matters
WHAT ABOUT?
DID YOU FORGIVE HIm? WHY? Sure Why Not
HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU TWO USUALLY SPEND TOGETHER a few hours a day
HAVE YOU EVER HURT HIM EMOTIONALLY? have...and probably still do
PHYSICALLY? yep
DO YOU MAKE HIM DO THINGS HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO? yes..probably
~what do you think~
ABOUT HIS BODY? was better when he was younger
HIS SMILE?It can fix a shit day
HIS HANDS? they're hands
KISSES?meh
DO YOU FEEL SAFE WHEN HE'S HOLDING YOU? most of the time
HAS HE EVER BOUGHT YOU A PRESENT? yes
SENT YOU A CARD? don't think so?!
WHAT'S THE MOST ROMANTIC THING HE'S EVER DONE? walked from greensville just to bring me flowers...twice
HAS HE EVER MADE YOU A LIFETIME PROMISE? yes
WHAT'S THE MOST SPECIAL ONE? not sure
DO YOU HAVE ALL THE PICTURES HE'S GIVEN YOU? no
WHAT ABOUT THE ONE OF YOU TWO TOGETHER? no
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT HIS EX-GIRLFRIENS? scum bags, losers, and users...besides one MEL
DOES HE STILL TALK TO THEM? sometimes
DO THEY KNOW ABOUT YOU? think so
DO THEY LIKE YOU? hell no
DO YOU CARE IF THEY LIKE YOU? oh fuck no
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT OTHER GIRLS HITTING ON HIM? Depends
HAS A GIRL EVER HIT ON HIM WITH YOU STANDING RIGHT THERE? YES!!!
WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT? nothing..it was kinda funny in a sad way
DO YOU COMPARE HIM TO YOUR EX-BOYFRIENDS? maybe a little
HAS HE EVER DRAWN ANYTHING FOR YOU? not sure
DO YOU TWO FIGHT A LOT? OMFG YES!!!!
WHO USUALLY SAYS SORRY FIRST? Me
WHO'S FAULT IS THE FIGHT, USUALLY? MINE!
DO YOU KEEP HIS LETTERS? yes
EVEN THE ENVELOPES? no
HAS HE CHANGED SINCE YOU FIRST STARTED GOING OUT? yes a lot!!! some good lot bad
WHAT'S HIS WORST HABIT? not trusting me(but that my own fault)
HAVE YOU TRIED TO STOP IT? all the time
~future~
HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER? 11 years next month
DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED? hell no!
HAVE YOU TALKED ABOUT IT? yes
WHAT ABOUT BABIES? maybe
GIRL'S NAME? Azrael
BOY'S NAME? Barret(eww!)
AGE YOU'LL BE WHEN YOU MARRY? no clue
AGE HE'LL BE? no clue
WHAT AGE DO YOU WANT TO BECOME A MOM?28-29
DO YOU WANT A BOY OR A GIRL FIRST? boy
WILL THE TWO OF YOU CRY? likely
WILL YOU TWO GET AN APARTMENT OR A HOUSE FIRST? a house if we have kids
DO YOU WANT TO MOVE AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY? yes..but i really don't think i really could!
~has he ever~
RUBBED YOUR TUMMY? yes
KISSED YOUR HAND? yes
YOUR FOREHEAD? yes
YOUR TUMMY? yes
YOUR NOSE? yes
YOUR CHEEK? yes
YOUR NECK? yes
STICK UP FOR YOU?YES!!!
IGNORED YOUR PHONE CALLS? yes
YELL AT YOU? yes
CUSSED AT YOU? yes
HIT YOU? yes
THROWN SOMETHING AT YOU? yes
ENCOURAGED YOU? kinda
JUST MADE OUT IN FRONT OF YOUR PARENTS? no?!
CUDDLED UP WITH YOU WHEN YOU NEEDED COMFORT? yes
MADE YOU WARM? yes
GONE TO A DRS. APPOINTMENT WITH YOU? yes
BOUGHT YOUR FAMILY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS? sort of
LET YOU DO HIS HAIR? yes
LET YOU WIN A FIGHT? Yes
CHEAT ON A GAME SO YOU COULD WIN? no
~his favorite~
MOVIE the devils rejects
SHIRT probably blue hick shirt
BAND ramones
INSTRUMENT not sure
FRIEND tom..maybe jeff?
FOOD b.b.q.steak
SIDE OF THE BED left?
THING TO SLEEP IN nothing
SHOES TO WEAR black ones
HAIR STYLE messy
HAIR COLOR red?
COLOGNE/PERFUME omg i really don't know that..hmmm axe maybe?
HOBBY..mma?
OBSESSION drama
CANDLE SCENT grandma's cupboard
THING TO SAY not sure
COLLECTABLES anything horror
TIME OF DAY bed time
KIND OF WEATHER sunny and warm
COLOR green
ANIMAL NAME snorfus?
~last things~
DO YOU THINK YOU TWO MAKE A GOOD COUPLE?not really..
DO YOU REALLY LOVE HIM yes!!!!!
DOES HE REALLY LOVE YOU? i'm pretty sure ..yes!
could he???
so today was a pretty good day..i got to spend alot of time with my best friend.which just doesn't happen much anymore since we both normally work different shifts..it was great...just to be my silly little self for once. it been such a long time...i also met her friend that lives down the hall from her..she's really cool... so ya anyways back to our day..we didn't really do all that much..ran around in the rain paying bill then had some lunch...when it was all done we went back to her house and watched some movies...which kinda got me thinking...i'm very selffish...i honestly think my boyfriend could do ALOT better than me...and maybe i should just let him go...i know that to you this probably sounds stupid but to me it kinda doesn't....i know with out a doubt i couldn't nor would want do any better than him....i just don't know..fuck i'm tired ...well whatever i'll write again later when i make more sense out of this lol
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